to the girl who was like by big sister…
Sometimes I go through phases where I think about you more often than usual. You were the first person to ever show me what it really meant to love and follow the Lord. I used to get invited to spend time with you for years. I can’t count the amount of times we spent at your house or with your friends. You were in college when I was in junior high and I used to never think that was weird. How precious it was for you to invest so much time in me - praying, talking, listening, laughing. I had to have gotten on your nerves, but you still discipled me. You worshipped God without holding back. You cared about everyone. You were always full of joy. Actually you embodied all the fruits of the Spirit. You were always there with a listening ear and always ready to offer up sweet prayers. Now we are both adults and I don’t exactly know what you are like.
I spend time wishing that you were still in my life. There were times when I didn’t used to appreciate how I couldn’t talk to you without hearing about God. Oh but now, girl, I long for your friendship - your very godly friendship. As I work towards the major you graduated with and as I grow, struggle, and learn in the Lord, I wish that things were different. I imagine the conversations we could be having, the times that we could pray together, and the encouragement we would both receive. Somehow I think you would have understood everything I would have shared with you. I don’t know. I guess the point is that I miss you. I guess now is my turn to really pray for you. While I am missing you, I will surround you with prayer and hope that one day things can return to the way they once were. You are His masterpiece and I believe that He still has fantastic plans for your life!
All my love,
Em
More than anything….
I want to spend this day somewhere outdoors (yes, even in the Mississippi heat and humidity). Alone together (oxymoron) with the Lord…. reading, praying, thinking, listening, journaling, staring at His creation. However, I must answer Lit questions, post two Lit Discussion Board posts, and complete AT LEAST one section of Trig…. sigh.
We are an aroma. In thinking about things that smell good to me I tend to think of people first. Therefore…. perfume…. maybe flowers. All I can do is hope and pray that the aroma I give off is closer to perfume or something pleasant. However, I feel like more often than not my life smells more like musty workout clothes or old tennis shoes. I pray that my heart and life will grow to be more and more like Jesus’ … until I smell more like the perfume that Mary used to wipe Jesus’ feet (has anyone else ever wondered what that smells like??).
10 random Emily facts:
1. I will always cry in A Walk to Remember. guaranteed.
2. I never delete videos that you meant to be a picture because sometimes it captures some of the best background sounds that you will miss later in life.
3. People think I’m shy. I’m definitely not. I LOVE people. I enjoy going up to people I don’t know and talking to them. I think it is extremely exciting.
4. I like adventure. I would jump out of a plane… I would scream the whole time… but I would do it.
5. I am scared of fire. holding candles in a Christmas Eve service. fireworks. It is strange. those things are beautiful and will captivate me. but I don’t want to get too close please.
6. My greatest fear is not being successful in life and not making a difference in anyone’s life.
7. I like to tell people everything positive that I think about them. Therefore, sometimes things I say to people make them think I am strange.
8. God has given me the gift of mercy and when people share their hurts with me, I will often hurt desperately with them as if it were my own problem.
9. I can suck my nostrils in without pinching my nose.
10. I am from Mississippi and I don’t like sweet tea. I try it fairly often in the hopes that my opinion will change and it never does.
Whatever struggles you may face today just know that it’s not the end of the world. bahahahahahahahaha I am funny!
I’m in college.
A really immature part of me just got the overwhelming desire to find someone really proper and ask them, “Do you have any up dog?” to which they will respond “any what?” and I again say “Do you have any up dog?” ….then the grand moment comes… “What’s up, dog?”
This heart is carrying a lot of weight.
Finals are done tomorrow and I am definitely excited about completing these courses. However, I find that I cannot convince myself that I am totally ready to let go. If I tried to write out and explain this mixture of emotions that are overwhelming me, it would be super long and make no sense. I will, however, say that I have to be honest. I am a VERY sentimental person… consequently, I allow things to pain me more than most people do. I allow everything in my life to sink in and affect me personally. My two years at the community college have been surprisingly special, precious, fun, and life-changing. I’ve been so blessed with some very special relationships since I started going to MCC. I’ve learned major life lessons. I’ve grown… educationally, spiritually, emotionally… not physically. haha. But it is intense and scary and sad for me to leave that behind. It’s weird. My college friends are here. I’m literally a different person because of God placing me here. As things start coming to a close here, I hurt. I don’t know what my life will be like in a few months. I don’t know who I will meet that I can call at 2 in the morning to talk. I don’t know who will be around as a nearby mentor in the ways that I need. Ugh.. just sooooo many things. I am sad that after tomorrow I will likely not be surrounded by so many of the people who I have made memories with. I do not want to not run into those people to get hugs from them or just not see them often. I know that I will adjust. I know that I have exciting things ahead of me at State (and I’m excited. don’t get me wrong), but it is sooo extremely hard for me to let go of some of the precious people and experiences connected with MCC. It is a major struggle for me right now. I know that people who are really important and true in my life will not disappear… but still. blah blah blah. comforting words usually help me but this is just something I will have to accept and learn to move on. ohhh sigh… why must our lives be ever-changing?
Sooo…. I was being productive. Then, for no apparent reason, the song “Yankee Doodle” popped into my head. So naturally, I start singing it in my head. That is when I realized…. “stuck a feather in his hat and called it ‘macaroni.’” WHY in the WORLD would Yankee Doodle stick a feather in his hat and call it MACARONI??? What does that have to do with anything? Yankee Doodle, you make no sense.
I need time.
I am desperate. I feel such a desperate need to be alone with God. I have been seeing God working around me in incredible ways. It is ridiculous and I really am extremely encouraged. My heart feels as though it is in such a perfect position to be molded and taught by my Savior. I am seeking Him… more and more every day. I have so much stuff that has to be accomplished and when I have time to put it off, I am constantly surrounded by people. I can’t seem to get the time that I need with the Lord. Right this minute I can’t even be alone with Him. It seems like there is no place or time for me to actually be able to concentrate on the Lord and be able to respond how I want to… for example, if I want to sing at the top of my lungs then I do not wish to be a distraction to others with whatever they may be doing… or if I need to sit and be silent then I cannot be at home with my family in the background trying to figure out a Wheel of Fortune puzzle… Don’t get me wrong… I know that God is putting me around people at times for a reason. I am having encouraging conversations some.. but I just can’t help but think, “Lord, if I am going to get time with You then I am going to need Your help…”
I hate feeling like the disappointment child.
You know- the one who receives the head shake, half smile, and the response of “Ohhhhh Emily” from family acquaintances as the parents go down the list of each child and their recent goings-on…
